Category: Support


Back Tracking

Now that I have been through the IVF Process, gotten pregnant, and I am on bed rest that leaves me with a lot of time.  I am going to go backwards and fill in the gaps from June to now.  There are a lot of things I will do differently for my FET transfer.  I plan on doing that once this baby turns 1.  Then we have a huge decision to make and that is if we will ever go through IVF again, I would love to have 4 children and my husband wants to have 3, but it’s a huge decision and expense.  Plus after the HORRIFIC experience my husband had we now know he will also have to have surgery and be put under.  Although this time we would potentially have two children.

Keep checking back I will start tomorrow from the beginning!  Hopefully over the next year I can talk about my journey into motherhood and the decision to start the FET! 

Lots of love!!

IVFwoes

I feel like a bomb that is waiting to go off. 

I had my last date with the magic stick today.  The follicles are looking mighty big!  The doctor is hoping to have anywhere from 25 – 30 eggs.  So keep my ovaries in your prayers.  My estrogen level has elevated, and so I am reducing doses of HCG.  On the other hand I am in pain.  I have gained about 9 lbs in a week and it is showing in my belly. I try to lay flat as much as possible that is the most comfortable position for me.  Walking long distances feels so uncomfortable and I am a stairs girl, and there is no way to walk up and down them at work.  I’m ready for the Egg Retrieval! I am READY, damn it!

However, when I got the call today that my ER was really scheduled for Wednesday, I got nervous and excited all at the same time.  I have stayed pretty positive but today was the first time I experienced being scared.  For a brief second I had a break in the positivity and was thinking of all the things that could go wrong! Then I watched that sweet Pampers Miracle commercial and I realized that I am scared because I want it so bad.  I want the grand prize at the end of this journey so bad.  I want to hold my own baby in my arms, look at my husband and say, “Can you believe we did this, we created this.”  I want to cry in the sonogram room when I hear the heart beat for the first time.  I want to decorate a nursery, and have a baby shower, I want to join the mommy club.  I want to have  hopes and dreams, and look at my child in awe because it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  I want to see my baby laugh, cry, sleep, spit up, and change loads of dirty diapers.  I want to love our child like there is nothing else in the world that matters.  I want it all. I want to have my husband’s child.  I want it, and for the first time, I realize how nervous and scared I really am, because I realize that in over a week either that dream may or may not come true.

So I feel like the time in ticking on this bomb ready to go off.  I have a huge range of emotions, but most of them are happy, positive and good thoughts.  All I have right now is to stay positive and optimistic.  I already know what the worst could happen is, so why dwell on it?  Infertility sucks, seriously, it sucks bad.  But this is our  journey, this is our struggle, and we can only keep the faith that we will end up with a precious baby by Valentine’s Day!

I choose Hope and I hope you do the same.

In case you wanted to cry too!

I know Mother’s Day is very hard for a lot of infertile couples/women. It’s a reminder that you still don’t have a child. I have read numerous other blogs about how Mother’s Day effects them, and some have been sad, and some have been wonderfully positive. I am choosing to stay on the side of positivity. There was one blog I read about Mothering Yourself, that I found fabulous. In summary it basically was talking about how we are being a mother to ourselves during/though the infertility process. We advocate for ourselves, take care of ourselves, we do everything to ensure that our next fertility treatment can be as successful as possible, and lastly, when there is no hope, we still find a way to have it.

I got the most adorable card Mother’s Day Card yesterday from the The Huz. He put a little letter inside and it was the sweetest thing I have ever read. This was the last line of the letter. “I hope our children look back at the card and say, “why did dad send mom a Mother’s Day card when they did not have children yet’, it’s because we knew and we had hope.”

So I hope today is a wonderful Mother’s Day to all those hoping to make this the last Mother’s Day without a child.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Pamper Mircale Commerical – I just like all the babies! So Sweet!

Today on twitter I have read three different posts on how to tell the infertile couple you are pregnant. This is funny because for the last 2.5 weeks I have suspected that my sister-in-law is pregnant and not telling me since she knows what we are going through. I feel with this whole IVF treatment it makes your senses even more heighten to seeing and knowing symptoms of pregnancy.

I have 3 types of online support that I am using to get through this IVF cycle, obviously this one where I can blog about what is going on with my cycle. Twitter, where I follow other infertile couples on their journeys through IVF, and BabyCenter, which I have a little group of 11 girls who are all the same age as me 24-26, going through IVF this May cycle with me. After reading those blogs and talking to the girls on my BabyCenter group I have realized a couple of things personally about telling the infertile couple you are pregnant.

I think it depends where you are in your infertility journey. My group on BabyCenter group are all first time IVFers, only 2 have done IUIs, and a couple took Clomid. We have barely been on this journey. So we are still excited whenever we hear of someone being pregnant. However, talk to us a couple of years from now if we have not had any children, and have spent thousands and thousands of dollars, we may not be as excited. I think the infertility journey can definitely wear you down.

  1. I also believe it depends on age. At 26, I know that I will probably keep doing treatments until I either am done having kids, or I get tired. Either way I have years ahead of me that I could potentially become pregnant. In my cohort at Dr. T’s office I am the youngest by 3 years.
  2. For me specifically, we have a male factor issue that was easily identified. My husband did have testicular cancer at 6 months old, so we already knew with chemotherapy and medication there could potentially be a problem. It was very sweet one day his mom and I went to lunch one day and she told me that she was sorry for making the decision that affected his fertility. I told her, that if she didn’t make that decision I probably wouldn’t have such a sweet husband.

This is how I look at it. Right now I am at the age where everyone is getting pregnant. I am one of those people who truly believe that everyone has their own struggles, whether its school related, financial, family etc. The Huz and I have an extremely blessed life, great families on both sides and have not really had to worry about anything. So the way I look at it now is that our struggle is fertility, and if this is the most difficult struggle we go through, I’ll take it. The Huz is such a wonderful man, and I couldn’t imagine a better person to go through this with. So when people are trying to figure out how to be sensitive to the infertile couples need, I would look at where they are at in their journey, how old there are, and be sensitive to that. Every couple handles news different, just make sure you do your research before you drop the bomb.

Hoping everyone is having a great day! Peace, Love and Baby Dust!