Category: Ovary


Yesterday was ER.  I was so happy because I was so ready to get these eggs out! The Huz also had to have surgery as well.  He was dropped off at the office since his was in-patient surgery.  I went down to the outpatient hospital wing, and waited.  After they called me back and I stripped down and put on the @$$ open gown.  I lay on the bed, ready.  They had told me that they were going to give me some protein afterwords to help me since my ovaries were so big.  We waited for a long time before I went back and my mother in law stayed with me until I went back.  We both wondered what was taking so long.  My husband finally came down, and we found on that the first biopsy did not find any mature sperm.  The second cut that was extremely deep did find some good sperm, which we later found out from the Urologist.

I finally went back, and they moved me to the other bed, and that is all I remember.  They did not count down, let me know the anesthesia was coming, they just put me out!  I woke up in the recovery room.  They had started the protein and I had to finish two of these large bottles before I was allowed to leave.  They told me that I am going to be in pain for a couple of days. But I am in real pain.  My abdomen is pretty swollen, a little cramp-y, but what I realized is causing the most pain is constipation.  I am going home from work, and I am going to lie down.  My husband is also lying down all day, and I will join him.  My sweet mother in law is going to bring down dinner tonight.  I have acupuncture tomorrow and I am  hoping that will help.   

Other than that, we are waiting to hear how many will survive in the end.  Our clinic only does 5 day transfers, so my ET will be on Monday.  They will implant two, and we will hope that the other can be frozen.  This process is pretty exhausting, I have a new respect for those people who have gone through multiple IVFs. 

I hope that for me all will work out well.  I pray for those who have gone through these multiple times.  I wish the best for those starting their journeys.

I feel like a bomb that is waiting to go off. 

I had my last date with the magic stick today.  The follicles are looking mighty big!  The doctor is hoping to have anywhere from 25 – 30 eggs.  So keep my ovaries in your prayers.  My estrogen level has elevated, and so I am reducing doses of HCG.  On the other hand I am in pain.  I have gained about 9 lbs in a week and it is showing in my belly. I try to lay flat as much as possible that is the most comfortable position for me.  Walking long distances feels so uncomfortable and I am a stairs girl, and there is no way to walk up and down them at work.  I’m ready for the Egg Retrieval! I am READY, damn it!

However, when I got the call today that my ER was really scheduled for Wednesday, I got nervous and excited all at the same time.  I have stayed pretty positive but today was the first time I experienced being scared.  For a brief second I had a break in the positivity and was thinking of all the things that could go wrong! Then I watched that sweet Pampers Miracle commercial and I realized that I am scared because I want it so bad.  I want the grand prize at the end of this journey so bad.  I want to hold my own baby in my arms, look at my husband and say, “Can you believe we did this, we created this.”  I want to cry in the sonogram room when I hear the heart beat for the first time.  I want to decorate a nursery, and have a baby shower, I want to join the mommy club.  I want to have  hopes and dreams, and look at my child in awe because it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  I want to see my baby laugh, cry, sleep, spit up, and change loads of dirty diapers.  I want to love our child like there is nothing else in the world that matters.  I want it all. I want to have my husband’s child.  I want it, and for the first time, I realize how nervous and scared I really am, because I realize that in over a week either that dream may or may not come true.

So I feel like the time in ticking on this bomb ready to go off.  I have a huge range of emotions, but most of them are happy, positive and good thoughts.  All I have right now is to stay positive and optimistic.  I already know what the worst could happen is, so why dwell on it?  Infertility sucks, seriously, it sucks bad.  But this is our  journey, this is our struggle, and we can only keep the faith that we will end up with a precious baby by Valentine’s Day!

I choose Hope and I hope you do the same.

In case you wanted to cry too!

I am feeling very breakable. 

I am slightly clumsy and I am scared that I am going to run right into a corner or something.  My abdomen is very swollen and the pressure kind of hurts.  I am going to the bathroom like every 5 minutes (This may be due to my enormous consumption of water.)  I am having some trouble sleeping as well but I think that was more about worry.  I called the Doc today to make sure it was okay to sleep however I wanted.  Nurse Red said that if I am very uncomfortable I should sleep in a recliner.  I am just hoping that all this discomfort is due to the numerous follicles that contain in my ovaries.

Otherwise things are going well.  I had to take my Follistim shot today in a Chinese restaurant bathroom.  My first cartridge ran out and I had to replace that and the needle and stick myself again.  It only took about 3 minutes so my friend didn’t wonder where I was.  All apart of having the secret double IVF life, lying to your friends, lying to everyone to protect our little secret.  At this point I am waiting for Friday to get an idea of what is going on in there.  Then hopefully next Wednesday is ER.  I cannot believe it sometimes.  This process goes by so fast and so slow at the same time.

My mood has still been pretty even.  I have been pretty positive still, and I am very hopeful.  This medication combo of Dex, Lupron, Baby A and Fol has not affected my mood the way its affected my body.  My stomach looks like I have the measles with all the needle pricks.

Anyway, I hope today was a good day for all.  On Twitter I saw lots of BFP! Lots of successful second scans and I am so happy for all of you. For my ladies that are grieving a loss or a zero beta, my heart goes out to you and I am thinking and praying for you.