Category: Baby #4


Like I told you in the beginning, as I finish this IVF journey I may jump around.  Mainly because I will write what I feel at the moment.  I am about to head to bed and I am listening to Oceans by HIllsong United. This song is going to be important to me for the rest of my life because this was my song during my twin cycle.

As you can imagine after 2 failed IVF cycles we were feeling defeated. We still had our son and so we tried to keep things in perspective that he just might be our only one and we were grateful for that.

My husband needed surgery to extract sperm and not just any surgery.  The surgery he needed was going to be a Micro TESE and only a handful of people truly specialized in the surgery.  I went back to find the original article done on this surgery because if we were going to do it, we were going to the best. At this point we had already spent $50k in IVF cycles and had our sweet son to show for it, but two heart breaking failures.

That is when I found Dr. Bruce Gilbert in Great Neck, NY. http://brucegilbertmd.com/micro-tese/

At this point we were ready to drain our financial resources for another child (as this cycle ended up costing a whopping $48K.)  We made an appointment with him, as you can imagine he is booked out far in advance.  But of course getting there would not go smoothly.  Our flight got cancelled and knowing that we did not want to have to reschedule and push our cycle back, we flew in to Maryland, rented a car and drove 4 hours to get to the appointment on time at 8 am.  We were exhausted and that is when we coined our phase, “if this was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.”

I will go into more details about Mirco-Tese and the Cycle in a different blog but for now I just want to talk about the song.  So during the 5 months, I leaned on God with everything, I mean I could not have walked during this time if it wasn’t for him.  And anytime I started to doubt or feel weary, the song Oceans by Hillsound United would come on geh radio or pandora, and I would think to myself, there is God reminding me again to trust HIM.

Well I go up for the week of ER and transfer, and I am just praying that Oceans would play. I am listening to Hillsong United Pandora station, Christian radio, and NOTHING. The song that I have heard probably a 100 times in the last 6 months in my moments of doubt does not play for me one freaking time. I was so low, and so sad. Because even after transfer as I leaned on HIM, I am asking please give me a sign this worked, give me MY sign. Nothing. After almost 2 weeks of being in New York for ER, Transfer then 4 days of bedrest, I finally am leaving to go back home.  I drive to LGA, and I am thinking well, we did our best, but I don’t think this worked.

Then as I approach the airport, OCEANS PLAYS on chrisitan radio, and ends right as I park the car the rental car to turn it. I burst into tears, the ugly hyperventalating tears. People must have thought something terrible had happened because I could not stop crying. And I KNEW, I KNEW at that moment HE never left and I was pregnant. Then 8.5 months later I gave birth too 2 healthy, beautiful 35 week twins that needed no NICU.

Moral of the story: Never lose hope.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Love and Sticky Dust,

IVFwoes

Work Out Meme

Oh F^%& ya! 1 mile in 16 minutes and 45 seconds! Are you serious?? I can’t even. You know when people are like you will never regret a work out, well I do, every F-ing time I do it. Now I am a Christian woman, and cussing only comes out of my mouth when I am at my limits, but my gosh. I hate working out right now. Truly hate it. I know one day I will love it. But tonight I hate it.

When I started this IVF journey I was a hot, tight, 128 pound 26-year-old girl. Working out was more about seeing my friends at the gym, and running a quick mile and lifting a few weights and then head out to eat pizza and drink wine. I didn’t have to work out to stay in shape. Fast Forward to gaining 10 pounds of water weight every cycle (that is TIMES 4 people!) from bloat and fertility drugs, then giving birth to 3 babies, bedrest with twins for half of a pregnancy, gaining 60 lbs. with the twins, and that tight ass body was then 175-pound ball of fat, with diastasis recti, boobs that hang to my navel and twin skin that has its own zip code.

So, here I am 4 months out from my LAST IVF and I know that the times I have been successful I have been at my best mentally and physically. That has been my key to success. Back in November I knew I needed a mind reset so I did the Whole 30 eating plan. It is NOT a diet, but truly a reset. I lost 15 lbs. after completing Whole 30 and then another 10 lbs. after a month just by continuing my habits until I was 150. I kept almost all the weight off for the last 4 months but it has slowly started creeping up. I am now at 155. I don’t know what my goal weight is but right now all I want to feel is strong and healthy again in the next 4 months before I stick another child into my uterus praying that is sticks.

Until Next time!

Lots of love and Sticky Dust!

IVFwoes

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Hi!

IVFwoes here! You may be wondering why my first post (in almost 3 years) is a picture of an undecorated bathroom.  Well, I am in the process of decorating my ½ bath.  We moved to our new home about a year ago and it has taken me that long to finally figure out what style I will be decorating this house.  So now, I will start from the beginning decorating ANOTHER house.

How is this relevant to IVF.  Well as a 6-year veteran and 4 cycles under my belt I now understand that it takes months, maybe even a year to gear up and prepare for a cycle.  You will try and do some crazy things in hopes that it will increase your chances of pregnancy.  Even after all these cycles here I am again, planning my vitamins, exercise plan and pre & post cycle plan.

So, as we start our prep for the very last cycle we will ever do – I will once again share that experience the same way I shared our first.  Hopefully, I will find time to fill you in on the years past as we go along but life is busy. But most of all I hope that this helps others along the way on their journey to baby. It’s long and painful, but always worth it.

So here is the number 5 and final. Don’t call it a come back, I’ve been here for years! 😉