That is what it felt like last week when I made the call to “R.”

Me: Hey “R” this is IVFwoes, how are you!

R: Woes! How are you?!  We are great, how are those twinkies of yours!

Me: They are great, growing like weeds, and keeping me on my toes.

R: That is great, you need to bring them in sometime! We just love seeing our creations! And your DS? How is he doing?

Me: He is wonderful too! Yes, we will bring in the creations in soon.  Well, I am calling because I would like to order another one.  I only would like one this time, but I am as assuming they will take both out of the freezer and thaw both to be able to pick the best one?

R: Yes, and if we can re-freeze the egg we will,  when would you like it?

Me: Well, I am thinking spring or summer baby, so August sound good?

R: Yes, let’s get you scheduled.

Now, it didn’t go EXACTLY like that, they don’t call my babies creations, and I didn’t order a baby like pizza. But it felt that way. This last cycle we just straight order what we would like, this ain’t our first rodeo, but the fear is still there. I find myself getting excited and then I remind myself that not every embryo will stick.  I have only been through one FET and it failed.  I feel in a much better place than I did during that cycle but the fear is still there, constantly creeping up at unexpected times trying tear down my hope.

Now that I have set my date what is next.  They will schedule me for a meeting with Mr. Wandy to check to see if my uterus is clear.  I need to get serious about my health.  I am not going to go crazy with vitamins, herbs and all that good stuff this time. I just need to take what my body needs.

Prenatal, Fish Oil, Vitamin D and U Co-Q-10.

Then I will go a massage every other week, and start going to acupuncture in June.

I have started exercising daily, and will add Yoga and Barre Method the first week of June.  Yoga is something that I have done basically my whole adult life. It’s good for the soul and helps me visualize being pregnant and implantation which I think is so important to be in the best head space, and Barre method is something new I want to try.

Lastly, I pray, daily, every day, every chance that this baby will stick. I am scared and that is the truth. I want this so bad, I want this last baby to finish my family, but I have to remind myself how lucky I have to have the 3 already. Sometimes I feel greedy but then I think it’s not fair that I should feel like that, there are people who have 4, 8, 10 kids and they do not ever have to think of themselves as being greedy. Just because I am using science does not mean I have to feel that I should stop at whatever point is “rational” for others.

So I hold on to hope and work as hard as I can to prepare my body for this journey!

Today I live you with this:

1 John 5:14

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

Love and sticky dust!