ImageThe waiting game…With infertility you are always waiting, waiting for your next doctor’s appointment, waiting for test results, waiting for something. Most of all, you are waiting for your children. 

Thinking back to when I was a little girl playing pretend and house, I always envision myself with a certain amount of kids (mine was 3), but I always only had 1 baby and a couple of older kids.  What you don’t know at that time is each kid has to come one by one and at one point they are ALL babies.   I LOVE LOVE LOVE my little man and I am trying to savor every moment with him.  However, sometimes I just want to be on the other side of having kids.  I want to know I am DONE paying/savings to have kids, I want to know how many I will end up being blessed with, and I want to know I will never have to give myself another shot. I just wish I could fast forward to the end so I know,while trying to enjoy the present.

With all that said, I do feel a little bit at ease with this second go round.  I feel comfortable and ready for baby #2, I have all the items I need, and now that I have been pregnant I feel that I am more in tune with my body.  Even though every baby is different, there are certain things that I feel less stressed about, for instance, nursing, I made it a year with little man, and I know what to expect.  I hope to make it a year with #2 but if I don’t make it, I do not think I will be as devastated as I would have been with little man.  I am just more realistic about the LACK OF CONTROL you have with your child. Certain things work and other things don’t, and it’s all about just surviving and living in the moment with children.

The main stressor is hoping to get pregnant (as usual.) It worked last time, but you just never know…ever. I hope that it works again but you can’t get your hopes up too high.  I am doing all I can on my end and I just hope that it works with Gods plan.  Because the July implantation is really our only shot for this year, we would have to make major changes in vacation plans if we have to go another round, which would result in having to tell family members when we really do not want to until after we are pregnant again.  I just hope this frozen embie holds on for dear life!

But at the end of the day,  I am so grateful that I live in this day and age.  Who knows if we would even have children at all 35 years ago. I feel so blessed and lucky to have my one.  So even with all this waiting, anticipation, worry and expenses. I am grateful.

Advertisements