I am having a human moment.  I think that I have finally reached the point where I am tired of IVF.  I am tired of it reminding me every day that I am going through it.  I am tired of waking up a 5:30 in the morning to stick in a vaginal suppository, just so I can lay flat for 30 minutes.  Then remembering to take my morning meds before I eat at 7 am, and then making it back home before 7:30 to take my shot of progesterone, and remembering to take my meds with dinner.  Then all these drugs are just making my life crazy, so tired, bloated, and sore.

I am tired, and I know that I will only have to sleep for 3 more nights before I take the scariest test of my life so far.   Because I know if this comes back negative, we’ve just spent all this money and time, only to not have the prize in the end.  And I am tired.  Then to add insult to injury, all the doctors and nurses have been saying that I am fine, there is nothing wrong with me, I am 26 and very healthy.  Which only leads me to think, if it is negative, my body has just failed me? 

I cried it out in the shower, it seriously came out of nowhere, very randomly, and then I realized I am just having a human moment. I just needed a moment to be human and really experience IVF.  This journey can be so heart breaking but I am not letting it beat me down.  IVF is not going to win.  Because at the end of the day I know it’s the Huz and I, even if it’s always just us two.   Like I said at the beginning of this, all I can do is give this to God, and let’s see what happens.

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