So fellow IVFers I have been keeping a secret, and I am finally ready to let it out. I have obviously been trying to keep positive about the whole IVF process. I know that is part of the “hope” process. With my first Lupron shot starting on the 29th, I wanted to make sure I was going in with a clear mind, body and soul.

However, about three weeks ago I had my closest cousin pass away at 23 years old. She was sick but we were unaware that her illness could progress this quickly and everything happened very fast and was so shocking. I am a family therapist, so I understand the stages of grief and mourning that a family collectively goes through. With IVF I have been working so hard at being healthy, this event kind of slapped me in the face.

My heart was/is absolutely broken. I could not sleep or eat. And of course the worst part I was totally stressed. All the work I did trying not to be stressed, and staying in good health went right out the window. Needless to say the IVF process I prepared for had come to a total halt. To make it worst, I live 3 states away from my family and have been traveling back and forth the past 3 weekends. I am not only stressed but tired too.

I am catholic and today is the end of the Lenten season. My Lenten promise was to rid my life of toxins. I changed my job, I have changed my eating and I have stopped talking to people that negatively impact my life. I was doing very well. But the last three weeks have been hard. And I realized I stopped taking care of myself. You wonder what the point is to all of this and today I finally have come to a place where the healing can begin.

Since my cousin was younger than me I never saw how she truly impacted people until this weekend. There were over 500 people there. So many people gave testimonies on how she impacted their life. She was so pure and amazing, she truly is an angel. There are a couple of things that I realized this week.

First, it is always a life for a life. After the funeral I wanted to get away from all the family stuff, so I went to my best friend’s home to see her 6 week old niece. She was precious, and so small and just full of potential. It’s almost like you just envision what her life could be and all the dreams and hopes you have for her.

Second, you can’t put a period where God put a common. The world does not end when someone dies, and we cannot make the world stop because we feel like things will never be the same. We have to keep living.

Lastly, Life goes on, because it has too. As I said before, life is continues, and making the most of everyday is what is important. I hate the fact that death is the only time we are reminded of our own mortality. We should not have to wait for someone to die to see we need to live.

I know sometimes I come off as overly optimistic and super positive about this IVF process, but this is the only way I know how to be. I know infertility can be discouraging, but we just have to keep hope that one day all this hell is worth it!

For those who believe today he has risen, and there is so much more to life!