I realized today that I started this blog and did not share about our very short journey to IVF. I feel like I know all of your stories and timelines. Mine is not as long or as detailed. I have been with the Huz for almost 5 years now, but have only been married for 6 months. Early in our relationship he told me that at 6 months old he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I think I knew then that we may have trouble getting pregnant, but I knew I already loved him and I was probably going to marry him. He did take an at home sperm count test about 3 years ago, and it came back inconclusive and said to call a physician.  He was pretty upset. At that point I decided that I was always going to be the positive one when we discussed fertility.

Life went on and we got engaged and married, and decided that we were not going to wait the typical year to get the ball rolling. I talked to my family doctor and got the referral to Dr. T and the Huz had his first sperm analysis prior to this appointment. My appointment with Dr. T turned into the Huz’s appointment. We both were ordered to take numerous tests, and the Huz was ordered to take the scary sperm analysis test again. This time the analysis came back worst and we were referred to a urologist known as Dr. Bow Tie (he’s old school.) Dr. T was on the fence about getting a biopsy but Dr. Bow Tie believed that there is sperm in the testie and did not find it necessary to do the biopsy (which is a little nerve-racking.)

My clinic does their IVF program in cycles and only take about 18 – 20 people at a time. May was the next cycle and we wanted to make sure we were in. I went and paid the deposit the next day after the initial appointment with DR.T when he warned us that we may need to go all the way (meaning IVF with ICSI.)

 Here is a link that explains what ICSI. Usually if there is ever Male Factor Infertility ICSI is also preformed. IVF is not always done with ICSI. http://www.infertile.com/infertility-treatments/icsi.htm

When I went in to pay the class deposit the Boss nurse said, that was fast, I told her we were lucky we have the funds, and we want children regardless of how we get them and wanted to make sure we got in on this class. We have always been ready for this possibility, because for most of our relationship, I have always known that I would probably not have a baby “naturally.” But what I noticed about myself is that I don’t care if it is natural, what does naturally even mean, if you get pregnant via IUI or IVF, you still give birth the same way, you are still pregnant the same way, its still natural.   The difference is thank to techonolgy those couples who may not have been able to concieve, now have the ability too.  And even if you adopt, you still love that child the same way, loving a child is what is natural.  I see this when I approve parents to adopt children.

I come from a long line of overly fertile women if you can have such a thing. My mom always said there was no such thing as trying to get pregnant in this family, once you thought it, you were pregnant. I also think it was different for the huz and I because we knew there could potentially be a problem. So I feel a little guilty going through IVF with such a positive attitude, especially in the group classes, because I did not go through the years of figuring out if there was a problem, and then the months of deciding what to do, and then the months of saving up for IVF. But what I do know is that there are only 3 outcomes for infertile couples.

You conceive a child,You decide to live without children or You adopt or foster children.

 I feel that couples that experience infertility are parents the day they decide they are going to have treatments.  We may not have a physical child, or have the room done.  However, from that moment on we are constantly planning, making decisions, and thinking about our unborn children. I have read numerous poems about what it means to be a mother. The main descriptors I found were: sacrifice, love, tears, devotion, strength, unselfishness, and worry. These are all things that describe each person who reads this blog every day. From the day we decide we want a child, we start paying for it, literally! Thousands and Thousands go into treatments, sometimes I write these checks and I think I could have this paid off this card, got a new Burberry jacket, and taken a trip to Rome! All the tears that a shed before, during and after treatments have occurred. Being devoted and unselfish during treatment, sacrificing foods we love, the commitment to have a clear head, and the shots we take on a daily basis. Most of all the constant worry, the worry that it will not work, or when it does work, will this pregnancy make it without problems.

So we may never have the opportunity to get pregnant “naturally,” but from the day that you decide you are going through, IUIs, IVF, or any other treatment, you become a mother, and I just hope that one day each and every one of us gets to cry the tears of joy when we hold our own baby in our arms, that we started fighting for so long ago.

Make today a positive IVF day!